


It wouldn't be

by LaurelSilver



Series: Victimised [9]
Category: Hollywood Undead (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Cannibalism (Mentioned), Captive, Dislocated joints, Gen, HUappreciationmonth, Hogtie, Sexual Assault, Torture, Writing Advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 23:27:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15302379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaurelSilver/pseuds/LaurelSilver
Summary: "Replace everything that I said wrong, but then it wouldn't be a Hollywood Undead song."Charlie Scene, Les Deux.Sharing is caring. 1,909 words.Second chapter isn't a story, it's some stuff I've figured out about writing gore in the last year or so of writing HU gore. You can read the first chapter as a standalone.





	1. But then it wouldn't be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AwokenMonster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwokenMonster/gifts), [A_lee_us](https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_lee_us/gifts).



> This snuff film stars;  
> Victim; anyone you want them to be. The only requirement is that they have enough of each limb to be hogtied, and have enough hair to pull (or would if it grew for three weeks). Beyond that they can be anyone you hate. Call it catharsis. Gender doesn't matter, Victim is referred to as 'they'.  
> Charlie Scene; Charlie.  
> Johnny 3 Tears; Johnny.  
> J-Dog; Jorel.  
> Danny; Danny.  
> Da Kurlzz; Matty  
> Funny Man; Dylan
> 
> Just to be very clear;  
> 1\. I have not done, nor do I have any intention of doing, anything described in this fic. This fic is pure fiction.  
> 2\. I don't think the guys have done, or has any intention of doing, anything described in this fic.  
> 3\. I do not encourage or condone anything described in this fic. This fic is pure fic. Recreating this fic, or anything similar, is illegal and immoral and very fucked up.  
> 4\. You are not obliged to read, finish reading if you start, or comment/kudos if you finish. There is no story here. It just mindless violence for no real reason.  
> 5\. Victim having any similarities to anyone real or fictional is unintentional.
> 
> Gifted to Monster and Alias for their support, and for Monster giving gore-writing a go. I tried to leave a review with advice, but character limits are a bit... limiting.

Dylan was the only one with a ‘Bitch’ in storage. He dragged it from his car and threw it on the warehouse floor, hog-tied, naked and tape gagged.

“Woah, dude!” Matty scooped it up, pulling it to its knees. It whimpered with pain.

Its front was bruised from collar to crotch, purple blossoms and welted stalks. The welts stretched down its thighs, darker and cleaner. One knee seemed completely flat as it knelt, and it shook as it tried to balance its full weight on its unflattened knee. Matty lowered it onto its side and it sighed.

“How long?” Danny said. He stared at Dylan, frozen mid-stroke, cloth wrapped tight around the knife.

“Three weeks,” Dylan said, “Longest I’ve kept one was two months. Stubborn little bitch.”

Matty stroked a hand down Victim’s side. It shuddered under his touch.

“You’re too rough with them, Dilly,” Matty said.

“Shut the fuck up,” Dylan said, “I ain’t telling you how to live your life!”

“No, but you need to let them survive longer than a few weeks. The more victims, the more people get involved, the more likely it is that we’ll get caught.”

“Shut up, Lecter.”

“My darlings last me nearly three months. And I literally eat them. I cut them apart, and they **still** last longer than any of yours.”

“Darlings,” Johnny echoed.

Victim screamed and wrenched itself away from Matty. It fell back on its twisted limbs and flailed, moving a few inches. Not enough to escape, but enough for Matty to notice.

Danny laughed. “It thought it was safe with you, Matt-Matt.”

Matty sat on the floor and dragged Victim into his lap. It struggled against him, sliding off his lap and managing to roll over a few times. It stopped several meters away from Matty, crashing into Charlie and Jorel’s legs. Danny tutted.

Jorel dragged Victim to its knees again, and it screamed into the gag. “You comfortable there?”

Victim shook its head.

“Good.”

Victim wriggled in his grip, Jorel’s hand tight on its throat. It panted, and Jorel tutted. He pinched its nose and Victim’s eyes widened as its only airway was blocked. It struggled, wrenching itself away for a second before Jorel dragged it back by the hair and pinched it again.

Jorel clicked his tongue a few times and let go. Victim panted, and Jorel pinched again, clicking. Danny leant into Jorel’s side, watching with a grin.

Victim yanked away, leaving a clump of its hair in Jorel’s hand. It’s flattened leg flailed as it fell back, landing on its tied limbs. There was a lump set into its upper shin, bulbous and black. It hit its head on the coffee table and grunted.

Johnny leant over the table and dragged Victim around, over the rug closer to him. The cheap fibres rubbed hard into Victim’s skin.

“The fuck you done to its leg, dude?” Danny said.

Charlie shuffled across as Johnny dragged Victim onto the sofa between them.

“Broke its knee,” Dylan said, “Obviously.”

“Why would you do that?” Danny said.

“Fun. And so it can’t escape so easy.”

Johnny flicked the lump. Victim howled and threw itself into Charlie. Charlie grunted and shoved it back upright. Danny giggled.

“I feel like there’s easier ways to stop someone escaping,” Danny said.

“It’s here,” Dylan said, “Where’s yours?”

“Dead.”

“Oh. Yeah. That happens.”

Charlie rested a hand on Victim’s thigh, kneading his thumb in small circles. Victim wriggled, leaning into Johnny. Matty sat back on the sofa by Dylan, feet up on the coffee table.

“How often do you have to feed them?” Danny said.

“Daily,” Matty said.

“Or less,” Dylan said.

“No.”

“Yeah. First few days, starve them completely. Keeps the bitches too weak to fight back.”

“Dude,” Jorel said, “That’s awful.”

“Yeah? What’d your last bitch die of? They don’t last long with you, do they.”

“Don’t need to.”

Victim whimpered into Johnny’s shoulder. Johnny shrugged it off and it fell into Charlie, his hand sliding further up its thigh as it shifted. It froze, head snapped down to stare at the hand as if it could hold him still with a look.

Jorel tutted. “Behave, Charles.”

“Come over here and make me,” Charlie said.

“You are way too horny to be saying that shit right now,” Matty said.

“What? You looking at my dick?”

“Don’t need to,” Jorel said, “It’s obvious.”

Charlie grinned and winked at him. Victim whined and shuddered away, falling into Johnny again.

Johnny groaned and sat Victim upright. He held a hand tight against its jaw, holding its head still as he hit the other, open palm against its cheek. “Stop. Fucking. Touching. Me.” he spat between each smack. He shoved it back into Charlie.

Victim spasmed into Charlie’s side. Pink blossomed in the side of its face, and a little blood splashed in its mouth.

“At least give them a warning!” Matty cried.

“Fuck off,” Johnny said. “Hey,” he barked at Victim, and it flinched away from him, “I’m gonna punch you in the face if you touch me again.”

Victim curled away from him. Charlie slung an arm over its shoulder and ran a hand down Victim’s front, guiding it into his lap. His blunt nails scraped into its welts and dug into the darker, deeper bruises. Victim whined and gasped at the short flashes of ache in its skin.

“See?” Johnny said, “Now it does as its fucking told.”

“They might have done that **before** you hit them,” Danny said.

“Maybe. But lets not take the chance.”

Charlie’s hand reached Victim’s crotch and covered it. He stroked slowly, Victim shaking its head and whining. It pulled on the binds again, legs tucked firmly underneath it. It pushed its hips up and Charlie pushed it down again, dragging it further across his lap.

“So how long do yours last,” Matty said, “With that kind of attitude.”

“About a month,” Johnny said, “Or less. Depends how well they behave.”

“How are they supposed to behave if you just hit them?!” Danny said.

“Survival instinct,” Johnny glared at Matty, who only smiled back, “Some powerful shit.”

“How long?”

“I just said, a fucking month.”

“No. How long did **you** last?” Danny pointed with his knife.

Jorel hissed through his teeth.

Johnny tutted a few times. “I don’t know. Long enough.”

“Four months,” Matty said, “But I was never going to kill, so you don’t really count for anything.”

“I’m flattered.”

Victim writhed as Charlie pulled away and gave it a firm smack on its sensitive crotch.

“What are we doing with them now?” Charlie said, “I don’t think Johnny want me fucking them next to him.”

“You’ve fucked uglier next to him,” Matty said.

“Shut up. I’ve never fucked you. I told you, you dreamt that shit up.”

Matty rolled his eyes. Victim managed to slide off Charlie’s lap, falling onto the floor in a graceless heap at his feet.

“I’ll tell you what we’re doing next,” Danny said, “That lump is bugging me, and I’m gonna do something about it.”

He stood, grabbed Victim by the leg and dragged it off the rug. He laid it face-down on the concrete and sat by it, forcing its legs up.

He pressed the tip of his knife into the lump. Victim screamed as the blade slid in easily, working under the displaced kneecap.

Danny pushed the knife across. Victim’s skin tore around the sharp blade like paper, dry and thin.

Victim bucked and pulled out of Danny’s grasp. The knife was still in its leg, and began to slide out as it writhed in desperation.

Jorel sprung around the table, landing on Victim. He gripped the knot suspended above its back, and fisted its hair.

Victim fell still underneath him. Danny caught with the knife as it fell from the slit in Victim’s shin. The pain made the wound seem to spasm, emptied.

Danny peered close to the wound. He pressed two fingers into the other side of the lump, sending a deep ache through Victim’s shin. Danny flexed his fingers in a ‘come hither’ gesture.

The bone inside shifted and peeked out of the slit. Danny continued to push it, sending dull shocks through Victim’s leg. It filled the slit easily, white lump forced through the folds.

Victim’s scream climbed in volume, and it shook in Jorel’s hands. Pain burned as the slit tore wider, the skin stretching around the bone, giving in millimetre rips.

The bone birthed through the slit and clattered to the floor. Blood spurted down Danny’s shirt as he ghosted a finger over the gaped wound. He pressed it in, exploring the underside of the skin with the pad of his finger.

Victim sobbed into the concrete as Danny traced its muscle. Burning pain followed his finger like a trail of hot pins.

Jorel snapped his fingers and pointed. Danny picked up the bone and tossed it to Jorel. Jorel turned it over in his hand, still holding Victim by the knot.

“This is yours,” he said, holding the bone up to Victim’s face, “It’s your knee. That should be in your leg.”

Victim howled into the gag. Tears streamed down its nose and cheeks, and it choked.

Danny pulled away, and Jorel let the knot go. Victim wailed into the concrete, blood pooling under its dropped thigh.

Johnny shoved a first aid kit down the coffee table. It fell off the other end, landing next to Victim. Danny opened it, and Jorel pulled Victim’s legs back up.

Danny lined the stapler up, Jorel holding the wound closed. Danny slammed the stapler down.

Pain rippled through the limb as it struck, the little teeth digging into Victim’s slicked skin, the hit forcing the dull pain deep into the bone. Victim screamed and shook underneath.

Charlie palmed himself through his trousers. Dylan lit up a cigarette and let Matty take one. Johnny slouched down in his seat, phone out and scrolling through Instagram.

Danny lined the stapler up and struck again. And again. And again. And again. The pain seemed to layer up, hitting deeper and spreading further with every hit.

Jorel let go of its knot as Danny wrapped the bandage around its shin, the thin fabric seeming to drive the little staples deeper into its flesh. Jorel stroked its hair, brushing the sweaty locks out of its face.

“All patched up,” he said to it, “We’re gonna have a lot of fun with you. And I think Matty wants to make you last a bit longer than two months, aren’t you lucky.”

Victim howled at him, and Jorel smacked it. It reeled, and Jorel dragged it back to face him again.

“I said; aren’t you lucky.”

Victim nodded as much as the fist in its hair would allow.

“See?” Johnny grunted, “Works.”

Danny secured the knot on the bandage.

“I call first fuck!” Charlie said, free hand raised, other still kneading his tenting crotch.

“You think we want your sloppy seconds?” Johnny said.

“It swallows,” Dylan said, “Or it gets the cane again.”

“Still sloppy.”

“Go hire someone then, Fancy pants.”

“Shut up.”

“Try not to get so on edge,” Matty said, “We’ve talked about this.”

“Yeah,” Jorel said.

“Fuck off,” Johnny said.

Jorel sat Victim back up. “Aren’t you lucky?” he said, “You’re the first Bitch we’re gonna share.”

Victim wept as Jorel peeled the tape up, revealing toothless gums. It grimaced, and it looked like a nervous smile.


	2. A Hollywood Undead song

I've been writing gore on the regular for about a year now, and while I'm not an expert I _have_ figured out some tips I'd like to share, if any of you want to try your hand. Be aware that I am not a trained teacher, and have no professional credentials in writing gore. I'm just doing this in my free time for fun.

 

I'm going to warn here:

This is going to discuss abuse tactics, torture, gore, sexual assault, and death.

This is written with the only creative intentions. Please do not use anything you read here in real life on real people (except the self-defence side note).

 

To start with; you actually have a lot more leeway with gore than you probably realise. This is because (hopefully) no one reading your will ever have actually _done_ the thing you're describing. So as long as you're not going crazy, you don't need to worry all too much about realism. This gets even easier if what you're writing in fantasy elements that can make your Victim harder to kill.

 

While I was writing the gore chapter you've just read, I split my main pieces of advice into 6 categories and gave one to each guy, so hopefully I can give you examples a little better. I originally wanted to put all of this into the end notes, but realised it was going to be too long, so here we are now. Intended Victim will be referred to as Victim, their captor/torturer as Captor, the writer as you.

 

**Subdued, with Dylan 'Funny Man' Alvarez; how the context and environment helps/hinders your Victim.**

Victim is going to fight back. Very few people _want_ to be kidnapped and tortured. You need to decide how successful they are, and what repercussions their Captor is going to give.

To start with, not many people are going to be particularly good at fighting. It's not as easy as the movies make out, and I've taught kick-boxing. (Side note: if you ever are in need of self-defence, the best places to go for are the lower ribs/upper stomach, the eyes, and the crotch. Hit hard, then run far and fast. Go somewhere with people and lights, and seek help.) Starve and torture them, and they're not gonna be able to throw a punch at all.

To keep someone subdued long-term (or mid-term), torture needs to be a lot more than physical. Physical torture/abuse leaves its own psychological scars, of course, but adding further levels of humiliation and abuse tears down Victim's psyche and will to live. Psychological torture includes:

\- degradation and insults; Dylan calling calling Victim 'Bitch'

\- gaslighting; re-telling how something happened, lying to Victim until they're convinced that they're the one in the wrong.

\- starvation; keeps Victim too weak to fight or escape

\- sexual assault; adds another layer of humiliation, more on that later

\- dark room; unaware of the passage of time, unable to see other things in the room, increases fear and paranoia

\- nudity; increases embarrassment, makes clothed Captor superior, makes Victim shake

Of course, physical restrictions keep Victim in place. Consider:

\- broken legs; as in the last chapter, add a broken arm and Victim will also struggle to crawl, limiting its movement

\- bondage; as in the last chapter. Bondage restricting multiple limbs like a hogtie work best. Chains are hard to get through, but need to be quite tight especially if Victim is slim and/or flexible.

\- pinning to the floor; effective, but only if Victim has low pain tolerance. High pain tolerance (or real desperation) and Victim might be able to wrench themself away.

\- under a heavy weight; similar problem to pinning to the floor, with the bonus that _enough_ weight will not only hold Victim still but also crush them, causing broken/dislocated boned and possibly death.

In situations where Victim is freshly captured, you need a way to subdue them. The easiest way to do this is to simply have them be overpowered and/or outnumbered by their Captor(s). Weapons make this easier.

 

**Stagger yourself, with Matty 'Da Kurlzz' Busek; the longer and/or worse the torture, the longer the description.**

This one is more to help you avoid fatigue when you're writing, and for your readers. A good example of audience fatigue comes from Battle Royale 2; every character has a slow death and Important Final Words, so by the climax and the 'most important'/notable character death, the watcher is sick of Important Final Words and the scene loses its impact.

I used the main point in the title; the longer and/or worse the torture is going to be, the more description you need. Don’t use a seven-line paragraph just to describe a punch in the face at the beginning. So keep the ‘warm up torture’ (tight bondage, smacking around, hair pulling) to as much of a minimum as you dare. This gives you more room to describe the 'worse' torture without feeling like you're going overboard or repeating yourself.

Another thing; don't be afraid of lulls in the torture. Slow the story down, let other stuff happen. It gives Victim, and the reader, time to breathe and prepare themselves for what you're doing next. Short lulls while Captor picks out their next weapon, or longer lulls while Captor does something completely different a la Om-nom-nom-nom, break the torture up so when you write the next torture scene, it still has an impact.

 

**Stay busy, with Daniel 'Golden Beast' Murillo; verbs are as much your friends as adjectives.**

Verb; doing word.

Adjective; describing word.

This is going to seem counter-productive, but try not to describe the pain on its own. You’ll find yourself in a rut of nothingness, limiting yourself to rewriting the phrase "Victim was in pain" in flowery language. Describe the torture, describe what hurts about it. Have something happening at all times, even if its just Captor walking over with a new weapon while you describe the aftershock of the previous torture.

 

**Sounds of horror, with Jorel 'J-Dog' Decker; in which ambient sound is great.**

If you feel like you’re repeating a word a lot, google synonyms. For a horror/violence vibes you want harsh sounding words. Hard consonants (ck, st, d) and wide vowels (a) are your friend. It’s like when you had to analyse the sound of words in poetry class. Use words that have echoes of ‘horror noises’, so sharpening knives (ck, ssh), tapping/dripping (st, d, ck), screaming (a).

I admit I have a slight advantage on this, as my accent it harsh-sounding already. You basically want to read it aloud (or whisper, or run through a reading software) and feel a little like you’re spitting or stammering the story. Or, if I'm struggling I try to imagine the Captor reading it like they're bragging about it to a Victim. Does it sound cruel? Does it sound like something you could read to someone to frighten and threaten them?

If you want to listen more to 'horror noises', either for research or for background noise while you're writing, I often use [Ambient Mixer](https://www.ambient-mixer.com/) or [;Tabletop audio](https://tabletopaudio.com/). If I'm using a particular song as inspiration, I use [YouTube Replay](http://www.youtubereplay.net/) or [Eternal Jukebox](https://eternal.abimon.org/jukebox_index.html) as well. All links working as of 16/04/2019 (fixed the code).

 

**Show don't tell, with George 'Johnny 3 Tears' Ragan; keep it pragmatic.**

It’s easy to outright state ‘the whole situation was horrible’ or ‘it hurt’ or ‘it was clear they tortured people on a regular basis’. It’s not just an easy way out, it bludgeons the reader on the head with the obvious and can be a bit pedantic. This is probably the most repeated piece of writer advice ever, but let me give you some ways to actually _do_ that:

\- Avoid short observations. Describe things that are happening to make the situation horrible, or make it hurt, or show that the guys know what they’re doing.

\- Avoid adverbs. ‘Captor cut in painfully’ yes, getting cut hurts, we all know that. ‘Captor cut in’ does the job. This was the hardest lesson I had to learn, I will be honest with you.

\- Following on, if you can drop the 'ly' from your adverbs and use the word just as an adjective, go for it. You might need to reword the sentence to make this work, but I often finds that this fixes other problems like funky tenses or too-long sentences.

 

**Sex, with Jordon 'Charlie Scene' Terrell; the best way I could phrase it.**

Don’t be scared of humour and sex references. Don’t shoehorn them, it’s obvious when its shoehorned because it’s stunted and awkward. But if the opportunity for something sexual or a joke then go for it. Again, it breaks up the gore to stop your reader getting that ‘horror fatigue’, gives the Captor a little character beyond ‘torturing someone’, and can amp up the creepy/uncomfortable vibe when it’s done well.

Also, don't shy away from movie references. People are influenced by media and make references to it all the time. Don't worry that it might be a little cheesy, adding humour and pop culture gives the reader something to smile at before you launch them right back into the torture.

Like I said above, sexual assault is also very degrading to someone being held captive, and can be in more than one way. In some ways, it can be a power play to hurt Victim in their most sensitive areas (a la What Charlie Makes). In other ways its humiliating and makes them feel disgusting, especially if they're covered in fluids (a la Who Needs Eyes). In other cases, it can rub in their face that Captor has complete control over them (a la Om-nom-nom-nom).

 

**And finally:**

-This is all just my thoughts, my opinion, and what works for me. What works for me might completely mess your writing style up.

\- If you want to try any of this advice, take it one thing at a time. Pick the one you think sounds the most interesting and write a few short stories working on it. They don't have to be great, just written.

\- On your first draft of a story, don't worry too much about following any of this advice to the letter. That's what editing's for. I often spend most of my first revision cutting adverbs, fixing tenses and fixing Victim's pronoun. It actually works well for me to have something I know I need to work on in my first revision, because gives me something to start with.

\- You are good at what you practice, and practice will make you better. Reading through Victimised, I've been able to see improvements not just in my descriptions, but in my dialogue and ways to characterise the HU guys in ways unique to each other. This year has been very different for me, writing wise, and its actually been amazing to be able to share that with such a great and supportive community.

 

And with that, I finish this essay. Hope it was helpful to someone. And if I think of anymore advice, I’ll write a story about it, haha.

**Author's Note:**

> So here we have:  
>  **Dylan** makes shit up as he goes along, not worrying about how long Victims last or what happens to them. He draws inspiration from random places.  
>  **Matty** keeps Victims alive a long time to get as much fresh meat off them as he can. He's gentle and loving with them, going so far as to hand-feed, wash and sexually pleasure them.  
>  **Danny** kills Victim quickly. He gives them a chance to prove themselves worthy of surviving, but they typically fail. He is a disappointed judge and executioner. But when involved with long-term Victims, he is loving and caring towards them.  
>  **Jorel** is an information broker and torturer for the mafia. After the guys come together, he starts to let the guys help or use Victim to give the guys favours, like giving Matty Victim's tongue, or letting Charlie assault them.  
>  **Johnny** uses Victims as living, more satisfying punching bags. He's the most careless with them, often killing them quicker than he means to. He's also the most lenient with them (when he's sober), letting them ask questions, explore the space they're in, and even fight back. His punishments are tough and merciless though.  
>  **Charlie** started off with a porn addiction that got worse, needing harder porn, until he was watching literal snuff films. Eventually, his addiction got so bad that even snuff films weren't doing it for him any more, so he started making his own. He usually kills his Victims straight after he cums.
> 
> But something that came up here; yes, Matty has tortured Johnny in the past. Johnny was prepared to do anything to get a drug fix, so Matty gave him hard drugs then tortured him until he became repulsed by the drugs. Yes, I plan to write it. Yes, it's going be a while before I do.
> 
> By 'HU gore', I'm including Nobody Likes Me (shameless self plug). Victimised's anniversary is at the end of November. I have 0 ideas for a way to celebrate, beyond me drinking vodka alone in my bedroom.
> 
> Go watch a funny movie, or maybe some sci-fi. That'll make you feel better.


End file.
